Depression

Just finished reading Popo's article about depression.  I had this urge to write down my feelings, too.  We live thousands miles away, but face the similar problems.  With 2 young kids, all my time is devoted to them.  They are definitely angels, and I love them dearly.  But sometimes I really feel like I am a machine - I don't have personal time anymore.  I want to watch my favorite TV shows, but afraid they are not suitable for children.  Or read a book after they are asleep, but I fall asleep, too.  Our weekend plans are always for the kids - playgrounds, beach, parks, library .... 

Ever since Olivia was born, I started working part-time.  Money is definitely less than full-time, my chances of getting promoted to the higher level is also very slim.  When the kids are all grown up, and I return to work full-time, I'll be too old to be promoted.  There goes my career

I'm also ignoring Daddy's feelings, too.  His job requires lots of travelling, about 65% of his time is on the road.  When he's home, the kids are so attached to him.  I know he's very tired after travelling, he still try to help out as much as possible.  I always joke that he talks to me more on the road than he's home because we can't have a complete conversation without interruption by the kids.  We still have 2 bottles of unopened red wine, but we are afraid we'll be fast asleep after drinking and won't hear the kids if they have nightmares in the middle of the night.  I hope I can make up the missing time with him when both kids are in college.  We can go to New Hampshire to enjoy the foliage again (actually that trip was very boring, but at least we had the spare time to do such boring thing ) or take the Alaska cruise, etc.  Ah... that will be 20 years later. 

No wonder so many couples decide not having any children.  I don't blame them.  The physical stress is still bearable, but the emotion roller coaster is unspeakable.  I just hope both Nicholas and Olivia grow up to be useful citizens.  By then, I think all our sacrifices are worthy.