summer break?

more than half of my summer break has passed. i feel like i haven't accomplished much, but accomplishments mean only so much.

during the spring term, i looked ahead at my summer and was slightly concerned that i would "waste" my summer. seeing as how i didn't have any extra money to travel, i filled it with any activity that would in a sense "boost my income". i haven't been able to reap those benefits yet, but lessons i have learned.

one such being taking on a task that was "too much to handle". i was asked to tutor a college calculus student. i haven't touched calculus for approx. 7 years. i looked in a calculus book and felt like i was swimming in the pacific ocean. i said no a couple of times, but i guess miscommunication is all too common in my life. i ended up seeing this student. a week later, i followed up to see if we would continue. i guess i was lucky to be cushioned from the phone call with the mother. phrases like "wrong homework problems, waste of time, tell the supervisor" were thrown into the air and captured in my mind to be repeated endlessly for the next week. i felt terrible and relieved at the same time. it's possible. i'm trying to move past it.

i admit i strive for A's in any class i take on (with the exception of classes at cal). so when i held a B for 3 weeks in my accting class, i knew i had to take on another strategy (other than read, study, do hw, study, neglect my life). so i learned that stupid mistakes are much easier to make than i thought - now at least i know where my students are coming from and hopefully i can help them get out of that rut. i learned when to focus instead of absorbing everything - i guess that's the way learning in a classroom works. we'll see how it goes - 9 more days left.

it's ironic. the deadline for my other class is also approaching - i still need 35 hours. i'm tempted to fabricate hours and work, but if i've learned nothing else this summer, it's to matt. 6:33. so i will try to spend an average of 3-5 hours a day doing whatever i can to accumulate hours toward preparing for the coming school year. time can pass by easily, but making use of it is another story.

i'm looking forward to august. because the hurricane of this summer will be over. any regrets? i haven't the time to reflect. for the next few weeks, i hope my attitude can change. i want to enjoy the classes i'm taking and teaching instead of resenting them for eating up my summer. i want to enjoy being with george instead of finding him a burden. i want to enjoy taking george on walks as my daily exercise instead of being on an eliptical or in a pool. i want to enjoy the sun even if it's only in my car, from my kitchen window, or at the dog park and not at the beach. these things will come and go, no need to hope for something in the future if it's not here now.