It's been a long time since my last entry.
Life's been pretty hectic the past month or so with a part-time job, Love Export and other commitments here and there, to the extent that I've almost forgotten that holidays are ending in less than two weeks' time.
Seen and experienced quite some stuff during this period and had a heart-to-heart talk with a dear friend for the first time, all of which got me thinking about various issues - both personal and societal.
Never mind about that, enough updates for now.
Finally started on What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami.
Here's something to share about goal setting and accomplishment.
The thing is, I'm not much for team sports. That's just the way I am. Whenever I play soccer or baseball - actually, since becoming an adult this is hardly ever - I never feel comfortable. Maybe it's because I don't have any brothers, but I could never get into the kind of games you play with others. I'm also not very good at one-on-one sports like tennis. I enjoy squash, but generally when it comes to a game against someone, the competitive aspect makes me uncomfortable. And when it comes to martial arts, too, you can count me out. Don't misunderstand me - I'm not totally uncompetitive. It's just that for some reason I never cared all that much whether I beat others or lost to them. This sentiment remained pretty much unchanged after I grew up. It doesn't matter what field you're talking about - beating somebody else just doesn't do it for me. I'm much more interested in whether I reach the goals that I set for myself, so in this sense long-distance running is the perfect fit for a mindset like mine.
Marathon runners will understand what I mean. We don't really care whether we beat any other particular runner. World-class runners, of course, want to outdo their closest rivals, but for your average, everyday runner, individual rivalry isn't a major issue. I'm sure there are garden-variety runners whose desire to beat a particular rival spurs them on to train harder. But what happens if their rival, for whatever reason, drops out of the competition? Their motivation for running would disappear or at least diminish, and it'd be hard for them to remain runners for long.
Most ordinary runners are motivated by an individual goal, more than anything: namely, a time they want to beat. As long as he can beat that time, a runner will feel he's accomplished what he set out to do, and if he can't then he'll feel he hasn't. Even if he doesn't break the time he'd hoped for, as long as he has the sense of satisfaction at having done his very best - and, possibly, having made some significant discovery about himself in the process - then that in itself is an accomplishment, a positive feeling he can carry over to the next race.
The same can be said about my profession. In the novelist's profession, as far as I'm concerned, there's no such thing as winning or losing. Maybe numbers of copies sold, awards won, and critics' praise serves as outward standards for accomplishment in literature, but none of them really matter. What's crucial is whether your writing attains the standards you've set for yourself. Failure to reach that bar is not something you can easily explain away. When it comes to other people, you can always come up with a reasonable explanation, but you can't fool yourself. In this sense, writing novels and running full marathons are very much alike. Basically a writer has a quiet, inner motivation, and doesn't seek validation in the outwardly visible.
For me, running is both exercise and a metaphor. Running day after day, piling up the races, bit by bit I raise the bar, and by clearing each level I elevate myself. At least that's why I've put in the effort day after day: to raise my own level. I'm no great runner, by any means. I'm at an ordinary - or perhaps more like mediocre - level. But that's not the point. The point is whether or not I improved over yesterday. In long-distance running the only opponent you have to beat is yourself, the way you used to be.
Same sentiments here.
But as much as we hope to take things step by step, sometimes the society and environment aren't as forgiving, which is a pity in my opinion.
Oh well, reading this kind of makes me want to start running again.
Buds 2010-02-09 11:31
怠惰使一切事情都困難，勤勞使一切事情都容易
........................................talithareny 2010-01-31 22:21
怡婷 2010-01-25 01:57
genevac 2010-01-18 15:12
慶天 2010-01-12 02:42
元慈 2009-12-31 14:58
noodles 2009-08-03 12:29
iggie2009-08-03 21:32
aiyo it's a gift you gave me leh
haiziwang 2009-08-03 01:53
that whole first para is so well phrased man..
which reminds me, i haven't passed bz the book yet.. sharks!
iggie2009-08-03 21:36