love

He is finally gone....

It has been so tough for me the past few weeks.  I tried to ignore him and keep a distance from him as I realized that we got too close together in the past few months. 

Do I really like him? Am I just so used to his company that I couldn't just let him go?

I used to think that when you like someone, you gotta be with that person.  Now, I've learnt that sometimes even if you like someone (and he/she likes you back), it doesn't mean that you can be together.  What more important is that he/she knows you actually care about him/her. 

I thought I let go already, but maybe not.  I miss talking to him.  I miss making him laugh.  I miss how he liked to make fun of me.  I miss how his face turned red when I talk to him.  I miss being around him.  I miss seeing him. I miss how he let me boss him around.  But he doesn't know how much I miss him.

I've been thinking of him the whole day.  Holding what he left behind for me makes me feel like he is still around. 

Should I have told him how I feel? But it doesn't matter 'coz he has to go and I need to stay.

At this point, our career paths just go into different directions, and I want the best for him.

I know we don't have any future.

I thought about him giving a gift that he would use every day so that he would remember me and the connection we had. But I decided not to do so 'coz doing so would just make it harder for me to let him go...but he left behind something that he knows I will use it every day.

He was a co-worker, then he was like my elder brother, and then he became more that...and that's why he had to leave.

Why do I always fall for someone who has to leave the US sooner or later?

At this point, all I can do is to go with the flow.

The following song describes how I feel (except I never hate him)

1.愛在記憶中找你(歲月風雲插曲)
作詞：張美賢　
作曲：鄧智偉　
編曲：鄧智偉

我對你　這一生　哪個可比
我與你　差一些　永遠一起
邂逅時間場地　似連場好戲
要自何頁說起

愛太重　深呼吸　欠缺空氣
愛太美　輕輕的　卻載不起
愛情來到時候　似明媚天氣
它走了　突然驟變雪落雨飛

＊如果可以恨你　全力痛恨你
　連遇上亦要躲避
　無非想(要)放下你　還是掛念你
　誰又會及我傷悲
　前事最怕有人提起
　就算怎麼伸盡手臂
　我們亦有一些距離＊

你太遠　該怎麼　說對不起
你太近　一轉身　卻已高飛
快樂也許太短　似場流星雨
一眨眼　就如幻愛怕又記起

REPEAT＊(＊)

我情願我狠心憎你
我還在記憶中找你