The Arrival (3rd Grade)

One day I was going to send a picture to my old friend Brandon, but he was living in China and I lived in America and I had to go by boat.  I knew it would be dangerous.  So I told my wife and child. I was going to send a letter to my old friend.  My wife gave me a hug and my child gave me a picture before I went away.  So I started wrapping up my picture with brown paper and string.  Soon I had to go. I said good-bye to my wife and my child. Then I left. When I went to the harbour there was only one more boat left. So, I went in the boat. Soon we were going to China. In the middle of the ocean I spotted an iceberg. "Strange!" I thought "The icebergs in Antarctica don't go all th way here!" Then I looked closer, the thing that I thought wasn't an icerberg wass actually a shark! I called the other people "Shark! Shark!" I shouted.  All the people screamed. They screamed like some people were going to chop their heads off. So the captain of the ship said, "Don't worry my dear fellows we can all throw the anchor on the shark!" So they did. Soon we reached China. I gave my picture to my friend and you know what he gave it back to me.

The story is bit not clear. According to my daughter's class teacher, she told me that she gave my younger daughter a post-card, in which my daughter has to write a story from what she has seen. The teacher said it was difficult for her to make a story. After talking to her I have found that she did not really teach her. So, I decided let my elder daughter to teach her. Sometimes, you can't rely on the school because there are no so many good teachers nowadays.

I do believe if there are some guidlines for my daughter, she can write a good story!