Jin Woo (3)

"Jin Woo went back to Seoul just now. We think it'd be better for him to receive treatment earlier in Korea," Jin Woo's mom told me on the phone. "Who took him back?" "Nobody, Jin Woo boarded the plane by himself. My parents will meet him in Seoul Incheon Airport." That was the reply I heard from Jin Woo's mom. On hearing this, I screamed inside my head, "No! How can they make such a decision? That's not helping him at all."

Jin Woo basically didn't want to go back to Korea. He dreaded going back. It was a nightmare to him. Why was I so sure about this? How could I not? Jin Woo told me himself. One afternoon, while waiting for Jin Woo's mom to do a declaration in the Home Affairs Department, we had a time together. I asked Jin Woo why he looked so unhappy all the time. At first he kept saying there was nothing bothering him. But after being asked by this ex-student counsellor through her skilful questioning technique, he opened his heart at last and told me his fears for the future. 

Jin Woo detested the whole plan of moving back to Korea. He said he had no friends there and he would be very lonely. He liked his friends here and didn't want to say goodbye to them. To a small boy, playing with friends was heaven. Second, he didn't think he could catch up in school coz' his Korean wasn't good enough. He said he was pretty sure he wouldn't and couldn't do well in schol. (Jin Woo studied in an English Foundation School so naturally to him, English was the main learning as well as communicative language.) All these years, Jin Woo's mom did teach Jin Woo Korean at home and he also went to Korean class on Saturday but there was no way his Korean proficiency could be equated to those native born in Korea. Worse of all, his mom kept threatening him that he would be last in class if he didn't do well with his Korean. (I trust Jin Woo's mom said so as a motivation for Jin Woo to work harder but it posed counter effect. Ay! That was something parents often overlooked.)

I did discuss Jin Woo's fear with his mother. I told her I suspected that it might be due to such fear he subconsciously make those lumps on his face and hands. However his mother didn't buy this 'assumption'. She said kids could adapt to new environment better than adults and pretty soon he would get used to life there and made new friends and did well in school. I held a different view. I guessed the fear would strangle for a long while before he could free himself from it.

Sending Jin Woo back to Korea by himself was a dreadful and horrible decision to him absolutely. He was forced back to a place he didn't want to in the first place and second he had to part with his dad and mom and sister for the first time in his life. This was killing him for sure. How could Jin Woo's parents not realize the harms? (As a matter of fact, parents always think that they're doing all their best for the good of their children but actually they're not. This is one good example.) I was extremely upset at such a decision and worried very much about Jin Woo.

After that, Jin Woo's mom was busily packing and shopping for the family's return to Seoul. Three days before they flew back, I invited Jin Woo's mom and Jin Sol, Jin Woo's sister, to my house for tea. We strolled round the lake while my sister was playing with Jin Sol in the Children's Park. Jin Woo's mom told me Jin Woo's skin problem was confirmed to be caused by Jin Woo himself. It was like what the two specialists in Hong Kong said it was a psychological problem. (Jin Woo's grandparents took him to see skin specialists in Korea and that was their diagnosis.) Now Jin woo was seeing clinical psychologist in Seoul and a pastor the family knew well was also helping Jin Woo to adjust himself to the new life in the new land.

From her parents, her sister, and the pastor, Jin Woo's mom finally knew that her good 'intention' and thought-to-be-effective 'motivation' were haunting his son, sending him to tremendous anxiety about new life in Seoul and new life in school. Jin Woo's mom cried and felt sorry for all the harms she had inflicted on Jin Woo. I felt sorry too.

Why do people realize harms made only after the harms are done? Don't they know that some harms inflicted are irreversible? They'll leave imperishable scars in the injureds' heart. Full recovery might take a long, long time.

I wrote Jin Woo's story here for the parents and the parents-to-be to read. Children, though small, have feelings, fears and fantasies. Do feel their fears and listen to their fantasies.

P.S.

Now Jin Woo has reunited with his mom and sister in their Seoul home. His dad's still in Hong Kong waiting for new deployment, either to station in the Hong Kong office or to be transferred back to the Seoul office.

If you'd like to know about Jin Woo's life in Seoul, wait until my return from my Korean trip. I'm flying over to see them next Monday and won't be back until early November. I'm looking forward to a splendid holiday there in Korea and a wonderful time with Jin Woo and Jin Sol and Do Do.