Withering....

     唔知點解, I feel that the bitter feeling inside me is becoming stronger

and stronger......Last Friday上我班 2D 堂既時候, 唔知點樣講到屋企人,

竟然一講就 shed into tears. 我從來都係好憎喺人面前喊, 想喊既時

候, 總係會同自己講: 忍住忍住.....唔可以喊, 番到屋企先喊個夠.

我唸我係唔想人哋睇到我軟弱既一面, 尤其是係學生面前. 好記得,

ever since primary 2, 阿爸阿媽巳經成日都早出晚歸, 成日都唔喺身邊.

I'm actually completely used to living independently. 雖然巳經習慣咗好少嘢

同佢哋講, I still hope that they can be around in Hong Kong. 不過我唸佢哋

都會過埋 lunar new year 先番. 真係好想好想好想食住家飯呀.......

同埋如果細佬喺度就好喇, 佢永遠都係咁 helpful.

     覺得自己好似越黎越謝. 個人好冇朝氣. 我既世界, 就只有學校

同學生, 活動範圍大部份時間都只係天水圍. 係咪自己唔知足呢? 以

前成日都好想可以 switch to a band 1 school to teach. 而家終於如願

以償啦, 仲要咁近. 家陣呢度既學生真係好好, 雖然開學前有好幾

個老師通知我我班係全校至 naughty 嗰班, 的確開始時都有好多嘢

要執執佢哋, 但係佢哋俾起我上年既學生真係好好多, 最起碼佢哋

都唔係野蠻學生, 可以傾到既. 其實都冇嘢可以 complain 啦.  但係我

真係覺得自己越黎越冇生氣. 我真係唸唔到生活上面有乜嘢值得我

去開心. 喺學校既同事啱傾既只得一, 兩個. Dept 有幾個同事係 d 成日

喺佢哋個 circle 講事講非既人, 我生平最不屑就係呢類人. 只會同佢

哋 hi & bye. 生活真係好 tedious. 身邊既朋友都會叫我快 d 揾個人拍

拖. 雖然我都好想,  I still don't think this's the exact solution to

my emptiness. 快樂點解要由另一半去俾自己? 咁樣對對方都唔公平. 自

己既生命唔係應該先由自己去肯定 and appreciate 架咩. I don't know.....

thinking about studying full time next year.......I really don't know. Anyways, 而

家我淨係希望自己唔好再越黎越謝......買咗新機, 或者多 d 出去影

嘢啦, 咁樣心情會開朗 d......