28th feb 2009

hmmm..today is the last day of feb le..tomorrow's march..
soon..
my 3rd month anniversary with laogong is coming...
hahahs..
but too bad..i cant meet him on that day..coz im having my attachment still..
afternoon shift..
hais...
but never mind..at least im able to hear his voice..im okay with it...

on thursday night..dear dear told mi that he'll be going to genting on the 16th march..for one week..
hais...
i was damn sad when i heard him saying this..he's going with his family...
hais...
i really wanna him to have some fun with his family...he knows that im sad..but i never let him know..
in the end when we were chatting over the phone in the middle of the night...
he told mi that he had tear away the ticket...
hais..
dear ah..there's really don't need for you to tear the ticket de..though im happy with it..
but at the same time..i was angry...
coz he shouldn't had wei le wo don't go de...
this time round..
he said..he asked mi to promise him that the next time when he's going overseas..i must go along with him..he even told mi that his mama actually wanted to buy my ticket..!!!
hmm..
hahahas..
okay okay dear dear...i promise you..!!!
:)

on the same night..i cried over the phone with him...coz of family matters..he knows that im unhappy living in my family...coz i told him all the family problems im having over the last 10years...
it's accomulated...
i dunno how to say..
but luckily he understands mi...he promised mi that he'll bring mi to leave this family after 2years..
after his NS...
im really waititng for that day to come...

then as for last night..it was a tiring day for mi..then thought could hear dear dear's voice..but in the end.he was like..he said wanna break up with mi AGAIN...
hais..
i really dunno why he always like that..always thinking tht im very xinku in this relationship..but i jus wanna say..tiredness never comes in to this relationship..and it'll never appear..!!
at that time i was with mei hui and my junior in the bus..
at 1st.
.i was super hyper..but when laogong smsed mi that..my mood was like roller coaster sia..!!!i became very quiet ever..mei mei asked mi what happened..but i just told her that i was just too tired coz of work...
hais...
he said he felt depressed whenever he cant see mi..or sms mi...he said my mama is trying to break us up..but why cant dear dear just think that is mama's trying to test our relationship..?i believe that after some time mama will know how strong is our relationship..but in the first place..is our relationship strong?..does dear dear really love mi?..why he keeps on hab these negative thoughts?...
hais...
then we quarreled AGAIN last night..we never really chatted over the phone last night...hais...he called mi last night but i didnt answer..coz i was in the toilet shedding my tears..till around 1am..my phone went low batt so  i decided to keep it switched off coz since dear dear said he was drinking..at that moment..i really wanted to call him..but i didnt call..
then this morning...i called him..i smsed him..scolded him..coz he wasn't feeling well already early yesterday yet he went to drink..!!!as a nuse cum girlfriend..of course i'll be angry right?...
hais...
dear said he wanna know much pain will i hab if i know he was drinking..
MY HEART REallY FELY THAT PAINFUL..!!!
then he said he was sad that i was andry and sad and wanted to cut his wrist..!the people who knows mi well will know i really HATE people who cut themselves...
i dun wanna see him torturing himself loh...how much pain he'll suffer..i'll suffer 100x what he suffered lohz..definitely...

but hai hao..
our problem hab solved..
hmm..as long as the problem is solved..jiu hao...
hais..
i dun wanna think about it anymore...
after typing out everything..
i find i felt better le..much better...
hmm..dear ah..
hope you can feel my LOVE for you...
i really really do love you...
if i don't love you..
i wont hab wasted my time on you..
i wont hab cried for you for so many times..countless times le..
PLEASE..
dun ever think of torturing yourself..
PLEASE..
dun ever say those words to mi...

                                     nobody knows how much i <3 you...