愛我別走

昨晚玩到四點才回家.

完全不知道怎樣可以令自己好過一點. 人總不能無止境的憂鬱下去.

Remember when we talked about how whenever we first meet people and there is always that mystery about them that makes you want to be around them? You want to know everything about them and you want to know if you can let them in. And there is always that initial longing type of thing? Well I'm just asking you to not forget about me. Because we are past that stage, and crushes are fun, but there are other things besides them. Right now I don't know what to think about a lot of things.  the only problem is that we communicate differently. I like to say things like "you can stand under my umbrella" Because that's how I work. I quote things to express myself a lot. And especially something like that, because it holds sentimental value. So that makes it even more special to me. I'm just telling you this so you can understand. Because without the truth, we are just animals. I don't know if you meant all those things you said to me. I'm really confused about that. Because what I worte to you here is how I feel, and will always feel.

Neither of us are perfect, neither of us can be everything the other needs, but either of us would be willing to give tremendously of ourselves to try. I'm trying so hard to be the best friend I possibly can. And I know I can't give you what you need, but whenever things are hard I can stay with you so you won't feel so alone. And when you fall and aren't sure how to get back up I can give you my hand and all of my strength. No matter how far you may sink I can pull you up far enough to see the sky painted for you. I can sit with you and protect you the best I can until you can walk back into the heart of your one and only true protector.

I know i fuck up. but right now I am not jealous. I hope I stay not jealous, though I can't know for certain that I will and I'm sure that there will be times where I am. but I am trying to forgive you the best way I can. Because I know sometimes it can feel more like the latter. I hurt very easily. and it's like...if I just knew you felt the same way about me that I feel about you I could trust again. Because i am having trust issues. But with this essage I intend to lay myself bare. Because you deserve to know.

I know i don't do a lot to make you want to try with me. And I am so sorry for everything. I'm sorry for what I've said, how I've hurt you, the things I've done. I am a shitty person. I know if you say sorry doesn't mean shit but sorry is the first step toward change. Know that I'm trying. I have been praying and struggling and trying the best way I know how.